My Love/Hate Relationship With Music(and a side note about friendship)

So Im sure by now you think Im just like everyone else claiming to want to be a rapper nowadays. "What do you want to be?" "Oh a rapper" "mhm..cool I guess" this is how just about all of my conversations go with all these people claiming to want to be rappers. Nowadays everyone wants to be a rapper because they see lil wayne or eminem or kanye west. They never have true reasoning. Rapping and music have always been a part of my life. I have always felt so deeply about it. Songs always gave me goosebumps when I listened to them because it was as if they were speaking to me. Know that moment youve had enough? like youre just done with everything. Well thats what got me started. I was about...10? maybe a year younger and I was tired of everyone around me. Parent issues,bullying,you name it ive been through it. Instead of becoming a violent person bent incredibly on destruction now I'm about..half of that? haha. Admittedly I'm sorta bad attitued now and sarcastic but I can honestly say music has saved my life. In the song Dead and gone by T.I. the specific lyric I can relate to is "now I take time to take time to think,before I make mistakesjust for my familys sake" because now that I have someone who cares about me I watch what I do vbecause I was so wreckless with how I reacted to issues that I could have gotten myself hurt but its changed now because I dont want my boyfriend to get hurt.When I hear all the nonsense from nowadays with the wakak flocka guy who shakes his dreads all the time it pisses me off SEVERLY.. I dont get how we went from having music to having garbage. For all you people out there who actually like nicki minaj..Youre entitled to your own opinion but I mean come on..she sucks.. Shes a bit old trying to be a barbie isnt she? You can say Im jealous or whateevr you want but I know its not true because whats there to be jealous of? That my butt is actually real? Yeah no thanks. I want to become famous not for the fame but for the simple fact I could actually bring back meaning to music. Not to say there arent good artists but there arent enough of them outweighing the losers. Jay-z,eminem,lil wayne has his moments, and drake also. Lil Wayne and drake rap too much about sex for the most part but they both have their moments where you can tell they didnt get famous for NOTHING. I want to be up there with them. I have the confidence but being that right now I honestly dont have enough money for computer equipment and other equipment my dream is a distant aspiration. I sit here to say I will make it because I love music so much I honestly can't see myself doing anything else :] When I'm angry,I write, Happy,I write. Wanting this career has also shown me who my true friends are. This one girl named Alexis told me her friend had a studio to record in , I asked her if shed hook me up and her exact words were "no youre good". Naturally it upset me because I'm someone who is very willing to help people outand was hoping shed do the same for me especially since she was supposedly my best friend but I said screw it because she wasnt worth the stress. I slowly stopped talking to her because after saying that she obviously wasnt interested in sharing because maybe she thought id take the spotlight or whatever her issue was so it was whatever and I let it go. Months later she texted me and asked what I was doing and how was I. I had been recording with a music program on my then computer trying to make beats to record over. I texted her back saying " Ive been good just nothing just focusing on music and working on building a studio how about you?"I She took a minute to text me back then said "oh word? and you didnt tell me? OIve just been doing me" Now as you can see she was upset I didnt tell her> yet when her opportunity was open I was "good" Being how I was when a kid I never trusted anyone anyway but after that I was definetly not bent on trusting her. I told her shed been acting different she got angry and asked how and we havent talked since. So for all you people guys and girls some people just arent worth a friendship with. So back to what I was saying though lol my writing comes straight from my soul. So one day I hope I can look back on this when Im famous and say I did it. 2011 was a rocky year but I've made it through all the crap then so Im going to dominate in 2012 because I know that I have what it takes. Heres MD signing off and thanks for reading, I appreciate it! Also any things you need advice on ill definetly blog about it and help you out! alright dueces people!